2 Girl Zoo

2009-02-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure where to start. Part of me wants to share this, but the other part of me is hesitant to.

I've been really worried about our teenager the past few days. I go through these cycles of worrying, being sad, and then getting really mad.

I know, you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about.

Well...as I mentioned a few weeks back, Our Princess-Pie has been having a really difficult time. Being a 14 year old girl is NOT easy. I remember that. I remember fighting with my mother a lot, having the most obnoxious attitude when it came to anything involving my parents, and I remember going through a period of depression during that time. The surge of hormones, social pressure, academic pressure, and transitioning from being a child to a young woman is hard.

Now I'm seeing a similar struggle in Princess-Pie although she tends to handle her emotions differently than I did. When I was her age and I was having a hard time emotionally, I was very irritable and snappy with my family and I would isolate a lot. Princess-Pie, on the other hand, has resorted to other measures- cutting on herself! That's right. I couldn't believe it and neither could her dad. Of course, it's very disturbing and we're doing our best to try and understand what she's going through.

She started reading this book "Cut" which she got from her school library about 1 month ago. It's about a teenager who cuts to relieve her emotional pain. And I know it's sort of been a "trendy" thing amongst teens these days to say that they're EMO (emotional) and to prove it by cutting on themselves. Princess-Pie has even told us that she has a friend at school who cuts on herself, and that she knows a lot of kids that do the same thing.

Has anyone had any experience with this? If you have, please share any advice or comments. The support would be greatly appreciated.

Inspiration

2009-02-05T09:26:00.000-08:00

If you haven't checked out the blog, wouldashoulda.com, you absolutely must. Talk about someone inspiring! Inspiring, not only because she is a mother, and that in and of itself is inspiring, but she is an awesome writer. She captures her feelings in such a funny way that I can't help but smile every time I read her blog.

I really like the photo she posted today. It's a sculpture of a mommy elephant holding a baby elephant. Her daughter made it for her a few years back. She used that sculpture to describe how she feels as a mother sometimes-

" Elephants are big and slow and probably clumsy. They step on things they oughtn’t and who knows if they can see everything they should, from way up there, and around their lumbering bodies. I see myself more as the flailing thunderfoot missing what needs a gentle touch more often than not, but sometimes—sometimes!—I grasp a grace beyond what I should be capable of.

For those moments, when I manage to get it right, I’m grateful. They won’t all be cast in clay, but hopefully they’ll last."

I thought this analogy was great. Aren't we all thankful for those moments of motherly grace? It really does seem like those moments are too few and far between, but when I stumble upon one, it DOES feel good. Too often I find my head filled with whiny thoughts about parenting, or focused on how difficult everything is, or beating myself up about yelling instead of having more patience.

All I can say is- thank God for those moments of grace!

1st Photo

2009-02-05T07:41:00.001-08:00

I realized that I hadn't posted a photo of our little Mon-Chi-Chi yet. Here is a recent picture.

Loving Looks

2009-02-04T06:17:00.000-08:00

I thought this article which I found on babycenter.com was quite interesting. It outlines the ways children show how they love their parents through different stages.

My heart absolutely melts when baby Mon-Chi-Chi looks into my eyes. It usually happens when we're lying down face to face in bed. She'll stare right into my eyes with her big browns and hold that gaze for 5-10 minutes. It's the sweetest experience. It really is like she is trying to absorb every detail of my eyes and my face.

I'm glad I came across this article today because just yesterday I was wondering does my baby love me? With work and the day to day grind of living I haven't been able to spend as much time with her as I did during my maternity leave. Sometimes I wonder if she is happy to see me, or whether she is feeling bonded or disconnected.

"1. Your newborn stares into your eyes — he's actually working hard to memorize your face. He doesn't understand anything else about the world, but he knows you're important.
2. Your baby thinks about you even when you're not around. Between 8 and 12 months old, he'll start to scrunch his face and look around when you leave the room — and he'll smile when you return.
3. Your toddler throws wicked tantrums. Nope, those screaming fits don't mean he's stopped loving you. He wouldn't be so hurt and angry if he didn't trust you so deeply.
4. Your toddler runs to you for comfort when he falls down or feels sad. Kids this age may not truly understand the meaning of "I love you," but their actions speak louder than words.
5. Your preschooler gives you a flower picked from the garden, a finger-painted heart, a sparkly rock, or another gift.
6. Your preschooler wants your approval. He'll start to be more cooperative around the house, and he'll look for chances to impress. "Look at me!" will become a catchphrase.
7. Your grade-schooler trusts you with secrets, like his first crush or his most embarrassing moment. You're his confidante, even if he shies away from your hugs in public."

from babycenter.com

Supernanny!

2009-02-03T06:21:00.001-08:00

I think we may have found the 2nd best person to Supernanny! I love watching that show because she has hands on techniques that seem to be very useful. I say "seem", because I haven't had the chance to try any of them yet. Our teenager, Princess-Pie, is a little too old for the "time out" techniques, and our Mon-Chi-Chi is still in that endearing phase where she can't do any wrong, so there is no need for discipline yet ;)

Well, we found another young woman on care.com. She was listed under housekeeping, but after I spoke with her, she mentioned that she really wanted to do a little of everything- nanny-ing, cleaning, organizing. She also said that she loves to cook and would love to cook dinner for us when we want her to! It sounded like a dream come true. It still sounds too good to be true, but I think it might BE TRUE!

She worked at our home 4 days last week, doing cleaning, organizing and taking care of Mon-Chi-Chi. Not only did she help our teenager clean and organize her room (which is incredible considering that ALL Princess-Pie's clothes were on the floor, dirty dishes were in her room, and you couldn't walk anywhere without stepping on something like a CD or a pair of glasses), but she got along so well with Princess-Pie that Princess-Pie keeps asking when she will be back. She even took Princess-Pie to church this past Sunday just because she wanted to!

Our little Mon-Chi-Chi lights up when Supernanny enters the room. She starts giggling and flapping her arms, and cries when Supernanny leaves the room! It's absolutely incredible.

After almost 1/2 a year of horrible childcare experiences, I think we found a winner! Now the key is getting her to stay with our family and not scaring her off ;)

teenage angst

2009-02-01T14:10:00.000-08:00

We just picked up Princess-pie from a Sunday afternoon birthday party. As soon as she got in the car she said "can you turn up the volume?!"

What? What happened to "hello", "thank you for picking me up", "I had fun at the party".

Apparently, she didn't have a good time because the guy she likes didn't pay any attention to her.

Ahhhhhh...that explains the bad mood.

Update on the Update

2009-01-30T06:50:00.001-08:00

Our "skater-girl" childcare provider was much more impressive yesterday. As soon as I walked through the door, I heard her chatting it up with our Mon-Chi-Chi. She was holding Mon-Chi-Chi in her arms and Mon-Chi was looking into her eyes and smiling. It was sweet to see. So, I think it'll be fine with her. She also took the initiative to wash the baby's clothes, fold them, and organize them nicely in her closet. She's definitely helpful. Ultimately, after observing "skater-girl" with Mon-Chi-Chi yesterday, I didn't feel the need to bring up any concerns. Maybe she just had a few rough days earlier this week. Not to mention, she's also been very helpful with our Princess-Pie, who needs some extra help with her homework (after bringing home 2 D's on her progress report). So "skater-girl" has been tutoring her in math and Spanish. Needless to say, Princess-Pie doesn't like the fact that she is being forced to sit down for 1 1/2 hours immediately after school to complete her homework, but I know we'll all the happier in the long run :) And "skater-girl" is very patient and encouraging of Princess-Pie. Sometimes, especially with a teenager, it takes someone else besides the parents to really get the job done.

Update

2009-01-29T07:56:00.000-08:00

I thought I should post an update about how our childcare situation is going. I was very hopeful in the beginning, but slowly, some concerns are starting to emerge. Surprise...surprise.

Like I said...we used a website called Care.com to find nanny/babysitters in our area. Before I go on, let me just say that although I have some concerns about our current babysitter, she is SO much better than any of the au pairs we got through the au pair agency. So in case you're wondering...I don't regret giving that au pair agency the boot!

Let me focus on the positives first! This new babysitter, I'll call her skater girl (since she loves to talk about her skater boyfriend), spends all her time with the baby...which we love! She carries her, she hugs her, she changes her clothes daily (which was a big step up from our last au pair), and she genuinely seems to care for Mon-Chi-Chi. She's a little bit odd because she hardly ever says anything to the baby. There is absolutely no baby talk, no affectionate words, and most of the time she spends with the baby is in absolute silence. If she does speak, she normally makes a few sarcastic comments like "Oh...so you want me to wash your pacifier for the 5th time today?" or "Someone is in a grumpy mood today." But she's making these statements in a playful way, not really in a patronizing way.

Although Daddy-love-bones is losing his patience with her, I am still willing to give her a chance. She seems to respond well to suggestions, so we may have to make out a list of activities that she can do with the baby. Otherwise, they sit next to each other in silence for hours.

I'll talk to her about these concerns today, and we'll see how it goes.

More later....

Gymboree

2009-01-27T06:44:00.001-08:00

Weeee! Gymboree is SO much fun!

This past Monday was the second week of Gymboree class for our little baby Mon-Chi-Chi. With all the drama with princess-pie last week, I didn't get a chance to tell you about the new class mommy and baby started togther. Actually, since daddy has had time over the past few weeks, it's been mommy, daddy, and baby going to Gymboree class together. It's nice to have an activity to do with Mon-Chi-Chi which allows us to get out of the house and interact with other babies and moms.

Mon-Chi-Chi has really been loving the classes, and so have we. She's funny because when she's excited she flaps her arms like a wild bird. And she has no problem talking over the other babies and interrupting the teacher with her "goo-goos".

It's so cute to see all the babies staring at each other curiously.

I can't wait until next week!

Drama is over!

2009-01-27T06:32:00.000-08:00

Remember I was telling you about the drama with our teenager, Princess-Pie? Well...I really didn't go into detail, but I'm glad to report that it's over!

She has just been having a hard time at school- boyfriend problems, girlfriend problems, teacher problems...that sort of thing. It really got her down. She came home last week with some not-so-passing grades on her report card and Daddy-love-bones and I were pretty upset, so we went into our usual mode-lecturing! Why is it that we keep doing the lecturing thing over and over even though she stops listening to us after the first minute? Some habits are hard to break.

Anyways...we were only focusing on her academic stuff, but apparently she was having social troubles as well. When I take the time to travel back in time and re-enter my own 14 year old mindset, I can remember how hard that age was.

Over the past week, we have been spending a lot of time with Princess-Pie. Of course, she likes to be doing her own thing in her room- writing in her journal, reading music lyrics, going through teen magazines, but we're basically forcing her to spend time with us. I know it's not a teenage girls idea of a fun time, but at least we know exactly how she is doing every day.

....and we can already see the improvement in her mood!

Teenagers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-24T17:49:00.001-08:00

There's been quite a bit of drama with our teenager, Princess-Pie, this week. I'll write more later, but let me quickly say that it's been exhausting!

Hooray!

2009-01-23T07:28:00.000-08:00

So...our new babysitter started working yesterday. I am very pleased with her. She has a genuine interest in children and seems very responsible. It's also reassuring that she is training to be a nurse and wants to work at a children's hospital.

She's very, very chatty. Although that means that she talks my ear off as soon as I walk in the door, it also means that she is very communicative with our baby Mon Chi-Chi. She is also very communicative about updating me on how the baby was during the day. I like that!

So far...things look good.

The especially nice thing is that Daddy-Love-Bones and I got some alone time together yesterday afternoon. We had a relaxing lunch date at a local Mexican restaurant and we were able talk without the interruptions of a crying baby. That was some much needed quality time together :)

Childcare found!

2009-01-22T06:18:00.000-08:00

Better news today! I was searching online this past Tuesday for babysitters in our area, and I came across a site called Care.com, which posts profiles of babysitters, nannies, pet sitters, house cleaners, and personal assistants (basically help with anything you could need for your home or personal life). It looked promising, and since we had such bad luck with the au pair agency, I decided to sign up for a month of service.

The results have been awesome so far! We found a nanny who lives 4 miles away from us and who is looking for 30-35 hours of work per week. This is exactly what Daddy-love-bones and I need for our schedule. Unlike the au pair agency, we were able to interview the applicant in person the day after I spoke with her on the phone.

She was quite impressive- a whole lot better than the au pairs we got. She actually has had a good amount of experience with babies. She is inquisitive, smart, and most importantly- has good common sense!

She starts working today...so we'll see how it goes. I'll post more tomorrow, but as of now, I am quite hopeful, and a lot more relaxed!

Childcare Woes

2009-01-20T07:46:00.000-08:00

Why is good childcare so hard to come across? I went back to work in September 2008, and since then we have had nothing but bad luck finding responsible childcare. Are our expectations too high? Are we going about it the wrong way? These are questions that I've asked myself over and over.

Daddy-love-bones (as I like to refer to my husband), has been through this process before, when he needed childcare for our Princess-Pie, during the time when just the two of them were living together. He had warned me that finding good childcare is stressful, difficult and a pain-in-the-butt. But how hard could it be?...I thought. Well, now I know the answer- VERY HARD!

I had a little meltdown yesterday. For the past 4 months we've been stuck with an au pair agency that charges a lot of money for very poor service. We decided to go through them because we thought we would get flexible, reliable, and quality childcare. The decision to go through this agency was probably the first mistake we made.

Over the past few months we have had two au pairs move into our house, and then move out. The first au pair was okay with the baby, but she was emotionally unstable and cried almost every day. She would also take the baby on long 2 hour walks and would only play with the baby in her bedroom. She did anything she could to stay out of the house. She felt uncomfortable around us because she couldn't speak English well. And then, to make matters more complicated, she found a new boyfriend here in the US, while still maintaining a boyfriend back home. She started breaking our curfew rules, stole our alcohol and would wake up hungover the next day. That caused all kinds of emotional turmoil and we felt that in order to regain peace and sanity in our house, she needed to go.

The second au pair had absolutely no interest in children. That's all I really need to say about why we got rid of her, but for entertainnment sake, I'll give you some details. All she cared about were hamburgers! Specifically McDonald hamburgers. During our weekly meetings we would go over her needing to clean the baby's bottles better so that no crusty milk was left inside them. She didn't change the baby's clothes until we told her that she needed to change them at least once a day. We would explain that she needed to wash her hands after the diaper changes and before preparing meals, since we NEVER saw her wash her hands and since Sienna was sick from the moment this au pair arrived. We would explain that it was important for her to interact with the baby- hug her, talk to her, read to her, and play with her, instead of sitting in silence with the baby watching TV. At one meeting we actually had to tell her not to walk out of the room when leaving the baby alone on top of a table! We had observed this shocking behavior, and even after telling the au pair, she still did it. Her usual response after every meeting would be- "Uh huh...uh huh...Uh huh...Can we get McDonald's for dinner tonight." Ahhhhhh! It was so frustrating.

So we got rid of her as well.

For 3 weeks we have been without childcare. Luckily, my husband has been able to stay at home with the baby since he is in between jobs, but let me just vent by saying that the au pair agency has been NO help in finding a replacement. Their program manager even had the nerve to tell us that we need to focus on the positives in our au pairs and not the negatives. Do they expect us to focus on the positives until our baby falls off the table because of a negligent au pair!

These agencies tell the families that they will be getting reliable, quality childcare. They tell the au pairs that they will have a wonderful experience abroad in America and will have the opportunity to be part of a host family. In my opinion, these agencies are making a whole lot of money selling something to both parties (the families and the au pairs), that really isn't true. And in the end, the agency provides no support when both the families and the au pairs end up unhappy. The families are unhappy because the au pairs are not even close to how they are portrayed by the agency, and the au pairs are unhappy because they realize that this is a job that needs to be taken seriously and not just an opportunity to party in America!

I have heard of some families being very happy with their au pairs. Where are these au pairs and why didn't we get any of them?

Anyways...I'm done with that agency. I'm going on my own childcare search!

Hootin' and Hollering!

2009-01-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

Arrgghhhhhh! What a nerve-wracking day it has been. Our little Mon-Chi-Chi has been in a funky mood since she woke up. She's been irritable, cranky and pouty.

The good news is that she has finally gone to bed. We lay her down about 1/2 an hour ago. She shrieked loudly for 5 minutes, and then it was silent. I checked on her and she was out like a light bulb! Finally...peace!

I'm actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow to get out of the house for a few hours. I would normally be complaining that I don't get tomorrow, Martin Luther King Day, off, but right now, I'm thankful that I have a reason to get a break from my 2 Girl Zoo :)

3 Generations Later

2009-01-16T08:54:00.000-08:00

What a perfect day to start a blog about my life as a mother. Today is my grandfather's birthday. He was born in 1916 but passed away in 2005. He was the patriarch of our family, and always told me that he would live until he was 100 years old so that he could see my children. Unfortunately that never happened.

I became a biological mother in 2008 but I started mothering in 2005 when I met my current partner. He already had a daughter of his own who was 10 at the time (now 14), so I became like her "step" mother. I hate that term. It carries such a negative connotation. I prefer to call her my eldest daughter and our infant, my youngest daughter. Fortunately, my "Princess-Pie", as I like to refer to our eldest, always refers to me as her "mom", and never includes the "step" part. She is one of the best "step" daughters anyone could ever have.

Our baby is now 8 months old, and what a JOY she is! Of course...it's a lot of work. No mother could ever deny that. But it's also a lot of fun having a baby in the house. And luckily I have a partner who puts up with my constantly changing moods :)

As with any big change, whether good or bad, life has become more stressful. I have to say that when I was pregnant I couldn't wait for the baby to expel herself from my belly. My pregnancy was extremely difficult and constantly being sick put a lot of strain on us all. I could hardly eat, I never had energy, and as soon as I got back from work I would spend most of the evening trying to sleep off my misery alone in my bedroom.

After the arrival of out little "Mon Chi Chi", as we affectionately call her(I don't know how many of you actually remember those dolls), the stress of pregnancy quickly transformed into the stress of motherhood. I have to say that so far the stress of motherhood has been much more bearable. At least now I can look into my baby's eyes and shower her with hugs and kisses, whereas all I could do when I was pregnant was wonder why she decided to constantly elbow me and kick me in the ribs.

Motherhood has been such an amazingly complicated, difficult, rewarding, frustrating, eye-opening, hair-raising, fun and not-so-fun journey. So I decided to blog about it and share our stories of our "2 Girl Zoo".

Welcome!